The Man He Didn't Know
by GirHugs
Summary: Steve didn't know how the conversation turned into him trying to convince Tony that Howard was a poor father...or why Tony would be defending Howard.


**Disclaimer:** Avengers belong to Marvel.

* * *

He'd been warned. Not even an hour after Stark had offered up his home for co-occupation with the rest of the team, Steve had been called into the Director's office and told to _never_ bring up Howard Stark in front of Tony.

Steve had been confused – and a bit hurt – by the command. But when the Director when on to stiffly explain the…tense relationship that had existed between father and son, Steve acknowledged that it might not be best to sabotage any chance of camaraderie with the son by praising the father long gone. (There was also a selfish reason that Steve agreed not to discuss Howard with Tony. Steve didn't want his memories of the bright, cheeky Howard he knew to be tarnished by the stories of the stern, shell of a man he'd become.)

But given just how important a role Howard had played in Steve's past…it was hard to sift through which memories and stories he was allowed to share with his teammate.

So that's why, after five months of living at the tower and team bonding progressing so well that Steve felt comfortable and safe, he forgot.

He was down in Tony's lab, sitting at a tabletop that Tony had cleared off for him so he had enough room to sketch. Steve had been idly sketching the Howling Commandos as he recounted a story of them saving a small town from being burnt down. The fire had been burning faster than they could contain it on the ground and they all figured it was a lost cause when…

"Howard came flying overhead – he was an amazing pilot, you know – and started dropping this foam over the fire. Apparently it was some sort of special fire retardant he'd been working on back at base. He figured there was no better time to test it than in the hopes he could save the lives and homes there." Steve smiled as he remember Peggy smacking Howard on the arm afterwards and yelling at him for dousing them all in the stuff, saying 'This had better not be toxic, Stark, or I swear I'll…'

"The foam stuff worked and he ended up stopping most of the town from being damaged by the fire. The townspeople were so thankful that they-"

Steve abruptly cut off, face paling as he realized he was bringing up the one topic of conversation everyone had warned him not to bring up with Tony. _Shoot, please don't tell me I just ruined…_

"They what?"

Steve looked over to Tony and saw the engineer frowning. But Tony didn't look upset, just confused. In fact, Tony didn't seem to even be paying much attention to Steve. The frown seemed to be aimed at the hologram projection of the Iron Man suit that Tony was working on.

"Steve?" The engineer prompted again.

"Um…nothing," Steve mumbled. "Sorry."

That did seem to capture the engineer's attention because he quickly swiveled around on his stool and, this time, frowned at Steve.

"Sorry?" Tony quirked an eyebrow at him. "About what?"

Steve dropped his gaze back to his sketch and hunched over the drawing. "Uhh…for distracting you?" He cringed at the questioning lilt to his answer.

"Ah, no worries, Cap," Tony waved his hand distractedly and turned back to his projections. "Genius, remember? I'm great at multi-tasking. So…" Tony flicked a piece of the projection into the trash. "The people did what?"

"Um, nothing," Steve tried to end the conversation. But Tony must have heard the awkwardness in Steve's voice cause he quickly turned his full attention to Steve once more.

"Steve," Tony tilted his head to the side as he studied the Super Soldier. "Seriously, what's wrong?"

Steve squirmed under the intense scrutiny, wishing that Tony would go back to his holograms. But a quick swipe of Tony's hand through the air sent them all scattering and Steve knew that Tony was now determined to know why Steve was acting so weird.

"DirectorFurytoldmenottotalkaboutHowardwithyou," Steve admitted quickly.

Tony's eyebrows rose in amusement but then the words seemed to register and he looked baffled. "Why?"

"It's just…" Steve rubbed the back of his neck and avoided eye contact. "He said that you…uh, he said you kind of hate your father."

"Huh," Tony looked confused for a moment but then shook his head and smiled. "I don't hate my father," Tony said simply.

"You don't?" Steve couldn't help but feel a tiny flicker of hope at the words. Maybe the Director had been wrong. Sure, Howard could have been a ruthless businessman…as a front, a mask, to not appear weak in front of his competitors. But, surely, with his family, Howard would have-

"Yeah," Tony cut through Steve's wishful thoughts. "I mean, hate is a pretty strong emotion. I can't exactly hate someone I never even really knew," Tony said with a shrug of his shoulders and, seemingly pleased he'd dealt with the misunderstanding, he began working on his suit again.

"But he was your father…" Steve said slowly, confused.

"Yes," Tony agreed, voice lilting with amusement, as if he thought Steve entertaining for pointing out the obvious.

"So how can you say you didn't know him?" The words slipped from his mouth before Steve could really think about whether Tony would be angered by the question.

But a quick glance at Tony showed that the genius was only partly paying attention to the conversation, distracted by his current project.

"Well, it's not like I saw him that often," Tony explained. "About," Tony furrowed his brows for a second as if actually calculating the amount of time he spent with his father. Knowing Tony, Steve would guess he was. "Seventeen point three days, on average."

Steve cringed. That wasn't a lot of time to spend with family. "You only saw Howard half of each month?" Steve asked sadly.

"Huh?" Tony frowned and then shook his head. "No, a year. Seventeen point three days on average, each year."

Steve felt as if a bucket of ice water had been dumped over him, and given his past experience with cold and ice, it was not a pleasant feeling. "What?" He choked out, mind not quite able to comprehend what Tony just told him. "That's not…_why_?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why did you not see him more than that?"

"Because he was busy," Tony said slowly, as if Steve was stupid for asking. "You do remember that he was CEO of Stark Industries, don't you? Not to mention the fact that he spent a few months each year searching the Arctic for," Tony waved a hand in Steve's direction, "you."

Steve winced, a wave of guilt washing over him. But Tony didn't look particularly upset…and Steve didn't really know whether that was a good or bad thing.

"But didn't you…miss him?"

"I don't know," Tony shrugged. "Like I said, I didn't know him that well. I didn't really know what or who I was missing out on."

"He was your father," Steve said again, trying to figure out how Tony could be so blasé about this whole thing. _Steve_ was starting to get upset.

"Yes, you've said that," Tony laughed and that just made Steve more distressed.

"He was your father! How could you not be upset that he wasn't there for you?!"

Tony turned to gape at Steve for his outburst and looked genuinely shocked. "Oh wow, you're like seriously getting worked up over this," Tony was bewildered.

"And you're not getting worked up enough!" Steve said, angry and hurt and confused. He didn't know how this turned into Steve trying to convince Tony that he should be mad at Howard.

"Steve," Tony said lowly. "Howard might not have been present, but he provide what I needed. A home, a good education, a state of the art lab that I could start building stuff in."

"Those are all material things," Steve pointed out, sadly. "What about emotional support?"

"I had Mom and Jarvis for my emotional needs," Tony offered as explanation.

"But he was your father."

"You keep saying that," Tony began to look frustrated. He wiped a hand across his face and let out an annoyed huff of air. "I don't get what you're expecting me to say here, Steve. Do you _want_ me to hate my father?"

"No!" Steve quickly shook his head. "But it's just…it's okay if you were mad at him."

"For what?" Tony asked, looking completely lost.

"For not being there. Didn't you _want_ him around?"

"No," Tony said easily and Steve winced. "I mean," Tony rushed to explain. "I liked the freedom he gave me to discover things for myself. I liked that he wasn't always around to overshadow me. I got compared to him enough as is, if he were actually present... it would have just made me feel worse."

"I guess," Tony continued. "I guess it would have been nice if he showed his approval more, because I always wanted his approval…" Tony looked pained as he admitted that. "But in a lot of ways, him being so stringent with praise just made me be smarter and work harder in order to earn it."

"Tony," Steve shook his head sadly. "You shouldn't have had to strive for approval. He was your father-"

"Ugh!" Tony threw his hands up in the air. "You keep saying that as if it's supposed to mean something. Howard gave me what I needed, why is that so bad?"

"It's not, Tony, but fathers are supposed to _be there_ for their children!" Steve tried to make Tony understand.

"Yeah?!" Tony fumed. "Well maybe it was a _good_ thing he wasn't around. Did you ever consider that?! Because the 'father-figure' I did have, you know, the one that was _there_ and _present_ like you apparently think Howard should have been…yeah, that guy, he tried to _kill_ me, Steve. So I'm sorry if you think I should resent Howard for not being around, but I'm actually pretty fucking _thankful_, because his absence meant we _didn't_ grow to hate each other."

Steve stared at Tony in shock as the engineer's chest heaved in anger. He had no idea how this conversation had devolved so horribly. "Tony, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

"Whatever," Tony cut him off harshly. "Just…" Tony closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Would you mind getting out of here? I need…" Tony clenched his hands into fists at his sides and his jaw ticked in anger. "I need some time to cool down."

Steve nodded numbly and slowly rose from his seat. "Yeah…sure." He picked up his sketchbook and walked to the exit.

Before he left the lab, Tony called out to him. "Steve." The engineer waited until the Super Soldier turned and met his gaze. "It's okay. We're still friends…" Tony said slowly and Steve quickly nodded in agreement. "So, just…time."

"Right," Steve said and gave Tony a weak smile. "Time."

The engineer studied Steve for a moment before turning back to his holograms in a clear dismissal. Steve left the lab feeling sick to his stomach. Even if the reasoning was wrong, the Director was right. Steve never should have brought up Howard.


End file.
